I think I may be done with Christianity. It’s a little scary to say that (or type it), but I’m so bone-weary tired of it all. I was hoping to deconstruct and possibly rebuild my faith, but right now, that just doesn’t seem possible. If for freedom we have been set free, why does Christianity feel like such a cage? And a suffocating one at that. Can I stay in a system that triggers depression and panic attacks? But I feel like a failure because it doesn’t cause such things in others. Am I just extremely weak? Is my experience invalid since so many are able to walk the Christian path in happiness and security? My thoughts are muddled and I just want to surrender to apathy. Where to go from here?
the anti-evangelical 
Staying in a system that harms you is the real weakness, in my opinion. Especially when that system is at its core an ancient patriarchal control mechanism designed by scared and uneducated sheep herders who wanted to feel a sense of security in an unpredictable world. I think you show incredible strength by daring to ask questions and come to your own conclusions, particularly when Christianity not only discourages questions and doubt, but threatens an eternal spiritual punishment. To be brought up with this idea that being human is worthy of being tortured for all time is abusive and designed to frighten followers into submission. The amount of mental strength it takes to even dare ask a question, let allow go as far on the journey to truth as you have, is incredible. I encourage you not to sell yourself short in the strength department. You clearly have reserves of strength that have sustained you. I hope they continue to buoy you up. You are certainly not alone in your reactions to the confines of Christianity, nor are you the only one who decided enough was enough. There are many of us out there. You are not alone, ever. Keep doing what is best for you and better things will come by taking care of you.
-K
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